Sunday, February 3, 2013

Day 3 Make the Positive Argument

{I love my husband with all my heart, but sometimes I fall into a spiral of criticism. He annoys me by not answering my emails, and that gets me thinking about how he also annoys me by not mailing an important form, and so on.
I discovered an excellent technique to combat this tendency. In general, people are very skillful at arguing a particular case. When a person takes a position, he or she looks for evidence to support it and then stops, satisfied. This mental process gives the illusion that a position is objective and well justified. However—and this is the useful point—a person can often make the very opposite argument, just as easily. If I tell myself, “I’m a shy person,” I remember examples of my shyness. If I tell myself, “I’m an outgoing person,” I remember times when I was outgoing. I’m able to argue both conclusions quite persuasively. 
To make use of this phenomenon, I’ve resolved to “Make the positive argument.”
When I catch myself thinking, “My husband isn’t very thoughtful,” and my mind starts kicking up examples of thoughtlessness, I contradict myself with “He’s very thoughtful”—and sure enough, I’m able to come up with many examples of his thoughtful behavior. “He doesn’t enjoy celebrating holidays”; “He does enjoy celebrating holidays.” 
I can actually feel my opinion shift. It’s almost uncanny.
Resolve to “Make the positive argument.” You’ll be amazed at how convincing you can be—to yourself.}

Okay this one was really easy. Today was one of those days where I had an opportunity to use this in abundance. Jeff has recently coined the phrase "you're right . . .  either way, you're right"  I think this phrase fits perfect with today's challenge. I'll sometimes say to him I can't find "that thing" and he'll look at me and say "you're right Cindy, either way you're right" and what he is saying to me is, if you say to yourself that I can't find it, then you won't (and you'll be right). . . . but, if you say to yourself that you will find it, you will (and you'll be right).  He uses this during conversation we have too. And when I'm saying something like (arrrggg I'm so not good at THAT!) he looks at me and says it again, You're right Cindy, either way you're right). Those are the times that it makes me realize I am not bad at THAT, I might have to try harder at THAT but I am awesome at that.

Today at church I used it on him. We have a new class this year in primary and one kid that pushes our buttons and particularly Jeff's ;) well today he was saying how he was going to quit if that kid acted naughty again. I said to him (you're right. . . either way you're right). Guess what our primary class was crazy today but no buttons were pushed like they've been the past few weeks. YIPEE!! :D

No comments: