My sisters and I have been going through all of my parents things. We left the picture albums for last. I have been taking pictures and scanning them so that it will be a little bit easier to separate them out. Doing this has caused a great deal of reflection. It's amazing how a picture can take you right back to that moment in time. You can almost hear sounds and smell the air around you. It's been fun and sad (at the same time). It's been a peculiar experience loosing such special, dear, sweet parents. It's peculiar for many reasons, but the strangest part is when it causes me to really question my religion. It doesn't sound right when I type it. I don't mean question whether my religion is true or whether I should believe the things that I've been taught, I have a strong testimony that the gospel is true. What I question about my religion is what I truly know about it. Do I know that I will see my parents again? Do I know that they are in heaven right now? Do I know that they are together again? Do I know what I need to do to be with them again?
You see my dad passed away while I was on vacation in Hawaii? What a sucky thing to have happen. I've never been so pulled apart. I tell you this much, no words can truly describe how grateful I was for cell phones. Can you believe I could be clear in Hawaii and still be able to talk to my dad in Utah??!!! That is truly amazing to me and I felt a great blessing!! I talked to him nearly every day up until his passing and I took great comfort in that. However, I have found no comfort in the great desire I had to hold him one more time. I wanted so badly to put my arms around him one last time - and I have not felt comforted in that desire. I remember saying to Jeff - on the night he died, "Do you know how sucky it is to know that I'm not going to be able to see him again? Do you know how bad it sucks to know that you don't have any parents here to call and talk with?" After a few minutes he pulled me back and he said, "No, I don't. It's gotta suck!"
Well I was looking online at mormon.org and going through our basic beliefs and found a section called "How Can I Know This is True?" I decided to listen to the video and read about this topic. The video reminded me that I may not be able to prove my religion, but I can know it's true because of how I feel when I'm learning. One phrase really caught my attention and made me feel especially comforted. "Feelings from the Holy Ghost are personal revelation."
Well, the feelings I've had as I've gone through these pictures are that mom and dad are happy together again. They must look like they do in these pictures. So, I had to share. Isn't dad so handsome? and mom, isn't she beautiful? I feel like they look like this again and that they are happy and I feel like I'll get to see them again.